you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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