yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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