I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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