FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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