you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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