Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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