Cold hands, warm shart.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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