The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
