Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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