Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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