Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
