Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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