Can i not drive my cunt home
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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