you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
