She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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