do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
