What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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