She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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