Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
