Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
