Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
