we made out on top of his cat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
