The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
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