sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize