Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
