dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
