im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
