Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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