You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
