I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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