Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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