he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
