she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
