Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
