she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
