My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
