i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize