those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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