I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i believe in u and ur pee
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
