oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
