Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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