are you still at the devil's house?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
