i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
