you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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