do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
