Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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