Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
