11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
