woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
