i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
