At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
