please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
