and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
