before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
