So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
