it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
