also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize