So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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