Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
