highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found puke in my bra..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
