it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize