I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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