Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
