Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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