you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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