so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
