im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
