you guys were way drunker than both of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
