before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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