So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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