I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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